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2003-11-24 - 2:27 a.m.

Late Night Tidbits (Formerly Titled: But What About Tito?)

I like to watch WGN news on cable and pretend I live in Chicago.

You should try it. It's neat!

Except if you live in Chicago.

This just in: LaToya Jackson is on Larry King talking about Michael. LaToya defending Michael. Think about that for a moment, if you will.

The final nail in the coffin.

If there was one thing I could say to Michael, it would be this: Have fun being raped by Charles Manson! Do YOU enjoy an ass full of psycho?

And oh, check this out, LaToya's got a new CD out. What a coincidence. Nothing like a child molestation charge in the family to promote your album to the masses!

I'm gonna start a Fourth Reich to eradicate the Jacksons from the world.

Any objections?

So ANYHOO, I fibble-fabbled around this weekend and managed to read two books on the bestseller list.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven:

My comments: I can't wait to die! C'mon grim reaper! Me next, me next!

The Da Vinci Code:

My comments: Da Vinci was a flamboyant homosexual?



I'm gonna write a book called The Toonces Hairball Code You Unravel in Bipsqeeble, Idaho.

It's really in your best interest to call me and offer to be my editor. I'll pay you a whopping 2.7% of my royalties.

Like you have anything better to do in your spare time. Sheesh.

Or perhaps you'd like to edit my epic novel already in progress? It's titled Herbert the Chipmunk: The Downfall of Modern Civilization.

You can come over and I'll make you popcorn and a lemon bundt cake. We can laugh and ponder, while we get high. I'll tell you the joke about the two penguins who visited the Vatican. We'll order one of those Sleep Number mattresses off late night tv and charge it to your credit card.

So? Whatcha think?

Call me Tuesday and I'll pencil you into my sched.


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