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2005-01-22 - 8:17 p.m.

Why Do They Always Break Out the Scary Movies in January?

I was snuggled up in bed last night and was delighted to find that "The Omen" was on AMC. One of my favorite movies. 666! The Anti-Christ! DAMIEN!

It's practically the story of my life, save for baboons getting freaked out when I go to the zoo. And the part where my nanny hung herself during my birthday party. And that my mother wasn't a dog. And I didn't use my evil powers to fling my adopted mother out a hospital room window. And that I'm not the Anti-Christ. Other than that, spot on!

But, I have to wonder about the parents of the kid who played Damien. Now, that child spooks the living FUCK out of me. Especially that pouty British "I've never wiped my own ass" attitude, the intense people-die-on-my-command stare, and those little sweater vests he wore. Big thumbs up to the casting director on finding the perfect child to play the spawn of the devil.

First off, I have to ask, how could you be the parents of that boy, and allow him to try out for this role? Did they break out the bubbly when they found out he was chosen to play the ANTI-CHRIST?

I mean, how fucking creeping is that?

Secondly, how could you EVER look at him the same way?

He IS the ANTI-CHRIST as far I'm concerned. If you were his parents, wouldn't you just back off A TAD when he had a 'niption fit, and let the little fucker have ice cream WHENEVER HE WANTED so you didn't get your head lopped off in a bizarre accident?

And what about those poor relatives, friends and neighbors having to look through his photo albums? What would one say? "My goodness, Damien..I mean, your son...has grown! He looks like he ate a few Christians for breakfast..er, I mean, he'll make a good rugby player!"

Whatever happened to that kid, I hope he looks nothing like he did back then...and that after his fourth divorce, I never meet him on e-Harmony.

Not that I'm a member, but Damien has his ways of making people DO BAD THINGS.