Dazzle Me



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2006-02-28 - 6:31 p.m.

Well, Crap

I installed a new version of AOL, so we'll see if this helps anything. I am scared to start typing and get all hopeful I can finish an entire entry without feeling rushed, only discover it'll all go to shit in 15 minutes.*

Speaking of which, I called my co-worker a "dingleberry" today and she replied "Do you know what a dingleberry is?"

"No. It's like someone who's goofy, right?"

"Nope. A dingleberry is a euphemism for the little balls of shit that get stuck to the fur on a sheep's ass."

"Ha! Ohhh. But my mom always called me a dingleberry....oh."

"Well, that's not too good. Now you know!"

As she turned the corner to head to the copy room, I said "I don't think she knew what it meant either!"

Hmmmpfffh. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot, you FUCKING DINGLEBERRY.

And you have to wonder how she knew the real meaning of that word.

I, myself, don't run around getting acquainted with various nicer phrases to describe sheep shitballs. It doesn't often come up in conversation.

"Have you finished the Goobert Bibbly-Boo spreadsheet yet?"

"Not quite. It's rather complicated. Messy."

Geez, I want to say 'little balls of shit on a sheep's ass', but that's so...crude. I wish there were another way to say it. Better grab my Sheep Anus Handbook.

"Just a! it's messy, like dingleberries!"


I think I've adequately beaten this point to death.

(Hey! No typing fuck-ups yet!)

On a completely different subject (I FEEL SO FREE TO EXPRESS MYSELF!), I still haven't gotten a Kentucky license or registration yet. Still driving around with expired Texas tags (registration and vehicle inspection stickers on the lower left windshield), but my license is valid until this summer, albeit with an old apartment address.

If I get busted on this, I'm in deep dingleberries.

I need to get my ass in gear and get a copy of my birth certificate and get this all taken care of, but I'm laaaaaaazy.

Anyhoo, everytime I drive, I'm extremely paranoid. So today, I was tooling around at lunch and there were cops EVERYWHERE. Behind me, in front of me, next to me. One would disappear around a corner and there would be another one, coming towards me. I was fucking FREAKING OUT. I went to Qdoba for lunch, feeling safe that I was off the road for a bit. I sat down and started happiply nibbling, and then noticed a state patrolman walk past with a lunch tray.


I finished up, hustled past his table (part of me wanted to scream out "I GIVE UP! JUST BUST ME ALREADY! C'MON, COPPER!") but I wisely kept my trap shut and squiggled out the door. I was headed for my car when ANOTHER patrolman walked right by my car towards me. ("BRING IT ON! YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!").

I suddenly changed course, sidestepped over a bit, then paused a few seconds before getting too close to my car. La la la...I'm going over THIS A-WAY. That isn't MY vehicle with expired out of state tags! Oh no. No, no, no. Don't people from Texas ever wash their cars? Good lord. Looks like it smells like sour cream and feet in there!

All these cops probably don't even notice, or give a shit, but I'm so super-sensitive I can't help but get worked up into a mini-frenzy.

Question: Should I go ahead and just remove the expired Texas stickers on my windshield? (Do Kentucky cops even know/care what Texas requirements are?) If I get pulled over, will it look worse if I have NOTHING on my windshield for car registration, or is it worse to have stickers expired since October '04? I'd feel better getting rid of the expired tags (out of sight, out of mind) so I'm not sweating bullets all the time, but at least it's proof my car was registered...somewhat kinda sorta recently.

In the meantime, I will work harder to be less lazy (HA ha!) on this matter and get it TAKEN CARE OF ALREADY.

Ohhhhh! Look what's on the Sci-Fi channel tonight! Bruce Campbell in "Army of Darkness." I LOVE this movie! So funny, and he is SO cute.

Damn, I love a handsome hunky man with a sense of humor.


(*There it goes _ucking up again. Aww, hell!)

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