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2006-09-22 - 7:27 p.m.

Santa Baby, Fill My Stocking with Porn on DVD

Last night I intended to get some cleaning done and straighten up so I could laxy-laxy all weekend long. (Forecast: Rain = cozy).

Instead I walked the dogs, ate a hunk of cheese, and crawled into bed around 6 pm for a "lil' nap."

I woke up at midnight, 2 am, 4 am, 6 am, and 7:45 am. Fifteen minutes after I should've been on the road for work.

Oooof.

I was still exhausted. I called work and somehow managed to sound perky, raced around getting ready, and managed to get to work by 8:30, even though it was pouring outside thus reducing most commuters to complete slo-po wingnuts.

I understand the need to drive more carefully when it's raining. I myself have been known to do this. However, the overwhelming collective avoidance of the gas pedal causes me to howl and slap the steering wheel. COME ON, PEOPLE! MOVE IT!

Then of course, 10 minutes later, when I've passed all the stop lights, some jackass in a truck flies by me at 80 miles an hour. HEY! SLOW DOWN! IT'S RAINING, FUCKER!

Some people, I tell ya.

Ahem.

I'm still not sure why the world doesn't revolve around me, but by golly, I'm gonna find out, right after I take a little nap.

In other news, I bought a new TV for the bedroom the other day. The picture on my trusty 1985 Mitsubishi (oh yes, they used to make TVs!) started getting worse, and it was so ancient, hooking up a DVD player would involve a special adapter, and ya know, fuck that Radio Shack shit.

I found an ad for a 20" with a built in VCR and DVD (I KNOW. SHUT UP.) for $199 at K-Mart (I KNOW. I SAID SHUT UP). The TV had to be big enough to be worthwhile, but small enough that I could actually manage to get the box into my apartment and up the stairs.

By the time I filled my cart with a bunch of other crap I needed, I had already decided I was leaving with a TV come hell or high water. Or both.

I was psyched. I was ready. I wandered into the electronics area and soon discovered the TV I wanted wasn't in stock. Plus it looked too small. And I saw some other boxes for 20" TVs and they were bulky and heavy. Awww, shit.

Then I cast my eye on the flat screens. More expensive...oh yes. But flat = cool beans = less bulk = ability to move without help from a weird neighbor at 7 pm on a Tuesday ("Her name was Lola, she was a wingnut..")

My peepers began to focus on a 26" Sylvania with HDTV and other hoo-ha on sale for $599. Well. Hello there.

I asked the dead-eyed clerk at the counter if there were any in stock.

"Uh...ok. Which one?"

We walked over and I pointed it out to her. "That one."

"That one?"

"Yes."

"Um. Well. Just a minute. I need to call someone."

"Ok."

(over loudspeaker) "Jaaa-son! Come to electronics please!"

Jason appears after a few minutes.

Dead-eyed clerk: "She wants a TV."

Jason: "Which one?"

Me: "That one."

Jason: "That one?"

Me: "Yes."

Jason: "Ummmm. Ok. Let me go check in back."

He saunters off.

D-E C: "He's going to go check on it."

Me: "Right."

Fifteen minutes later Jason shows up with a long flat box lodged at an angle in a shopping cart.

"This is the one you wanted, right?"

"Yes, I think this is it." We double-checked the part number. "Yep, this is it."

Jason leaves. Dead-eyed clerk looks at me like she's selling me a pack of batteries. "So you gonna buy it?"

"I think so. But I need a DVD/VCR player too. Let me go pick one out."

"Uh, 'k."

I come back to the counter with a Sylvania DVD/VCR combo.

"You gonna need help getting all this to the car?"

"Yep, that would be nice."

(Over loudspeaker): "Jo-ey, need help in electronics!"

We wait for Joey, and she starts scanning all my stuff, and I'm wiggling the TV box around in the other cart to double-check I can lift it up the stairs. Not too heavy. I can manage this bitch a few steps at a time.

But can I lug it from the car all the way to the front door? Ehhh.

"You know what? I'm going to buy a utility cart. I spotted some a few aisles back."

"Uh...ok."

I jaunted back with my additional $24.95 purchase. It's a small foldable dolly-like cart with 185 lb capacity. Totally neato with a million uses, I'm sure. If you need someone to lug the jumbo Igloo filled with ice and beer and cheese to the beach or the lake, I'm there. But you better reimburse me for the Schlitz, fucker. And ice doesn't grow on trees either.

Anyhoo, Joey helped get the TV in the back seat, I filled up the trunk with all my other goodies, then headed home.

Locked the dogs in the bedroom, moved the TV onto the cart, and wheeled it slowly to the door. Took me a bit of effort, but I carried/"walked" that box up the stairs.

The sweet smell of independence. And sweat. Gotta love it.

Within 30 minutes of arriving, I had my new TV hooked up in the bedroom. It's nearly twice the size of my old one.

I'm SO 'CITED. It's big and new and all-around NEATO. Still need to hook up the new DVD/VCR player though. Soon, soon.

Yesterday, before I left work, I squeamishly decided to go online to see how big a bonehead I was for buying a $599 TV without doing a lick of research beforehand. Reverse research, I call it.

Turns out, other customers have given it great reviews, lotsa bang for the buck -- plus I couldn't find a cheaper price than what I paid!

I rock. I am the pinnacle of awesomeness.

Or one lucky-n-crazy ho.

Now, before everything turns shitty on me, I must nap.