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2006-10-02 - 6:37 p.m.

I Didn't Dream of Jeanie

Tis autumn, therefore I have begun my fall cleaning. I'm not a big fan of spring cleaning, as I'm too busy romping through the meadows, sniffing flowers and bunny heads, and such.

Yesterday I dug around in my bedroom closet for shit to toss. Since I wasn't actually able to enter the closet due to mountains and valleys o' whatnot, I was forced to stand on my tippy toes and grab what I could reach off the top of Mt. "Misc/SAVE!!!!"

There was a small pile of clothes I'd meant to give to Goodwill a year ago. Shit, I'd have to wash everything again, and so much of it was outdated anyway...You know what? FORGET IT. I threw it down on the floor.

I did set aside one red cotton top I bought at Target a few years back and never wore. (I put it on for work one day and realized it screamed CAUTION! FAT ILL-AT-EASE COW APPROACHING! BEEP BEEP!) There is a reason I prefer black and dark colors, people.

But it'll look great on someone who can carry it off. So one day (soon-ish), I shall drop it off at Goodwill.

Or chuck it next fall.

Next I ripped open a box from college with old handtowels and placemats.

Ohhhh! These were the placemats I bought for the casual dining room table that we never sat at because there was always cat fur all over the table and cushioned chairs from Moles and Moo! Awww man, I gotta keep these.

Huh? What am I thinking??

I threw them on the floor. Along with some of the rattier handtowels. But a few were still in good shape, so I tossed those in the laundry basket (one can never have enough handtowels).

Then I chucked some old dusty baskets with faux (also dusty) foliage wrapped around the handles. Cheap! Stupid! Crap! Bye bye!

Once I bagged up the regular trash, and pushed everything else out of the bedroom to the top of the staircase (including a medium size box with an old TV of mom's that was perfectly fine, except for the orange tinted picture), I realized I was looking at three trips downstairs just to load the car to go to the dumpster.

Enough! I had to conserve my energy for other shit. When you live alone, on the second floor, you gotta be careful you don't bite off more than you can chew, ya know?

I mustered up the strength to haul everything out (WHEW), drove to the dumpster/compactor at the front of the complex, and discovered a couple in the midst of tossing loads of bulky shit from a rusty trailer.

Awww, christ. I was determined to squeeble my way in here and there before they filled the damn thing up with their junk. When they went for something off the trailer, I shuffled over with a bag. They tossed something, while I retrieved my next lot. I managed to toss in my last bit, the TV box, while they were contemplating whether or not to toss in an old computer desk. (Noooo! You're going to screw it up for everyone if you jam that fucker in there!) Luckily, they decided to leave it by the door.

I drove back to my apartment, happy to have accomplished what I did. Not much, but enough. I took a break for awhile, then spent the late afternoon doing laundry, putting things away, and delighting over the empty space next the windows in my bedroom since the TV box was history, and clothes that had sat on top of the box were finally put away.

As the day grew stale, I moved a little unused telephone stand over by the window, placed some new candles on top, lit them, and marveled at how much better the bedroom looked. I cozied up in bed with the dogs while watching the Law & Order SVU marathon on USA.

Then it hit me: I was bored.

That's why God invented commercial breaks. In between perps giving it up, I organized bathroom items in Ster-Lite containers, unloaded/loaded the dishwasher, and vacuumed the dog fluff off the bathroom floor.

Excellent.

When I finally went to sleep, I dreamt of placemats. Ohhhhh!

P.S. If anyone can find/send me a download of the full-length MP3 of "I Woke Up" by the French band One-T (the song is featured in the new Cingular wireless ad and sounds very hip-hop), I will give you something neato in return! (Whatchoo want?)