With my co-worker in tow.

Ohhhhhhhhhh. Shit.

To make matters worse, she called out "The people gate is over here!"

Oh. My. God.

And then I thought:

There's a people gate?

I was mortified. Not so much for being an idiot around visitors (I had mentioned to them earlier that I rarely venture out that way), but for being a complete bonehead in front of my co-worker. I've worked on that farm over 2 years and I'm walking around like one of the mentally challenged baggers at Kroger who ask me EVERY GODDAMN WEEK if I'm buying carrots for a bunch of bunny rabbits.

"No...I work on a horse farm. Remember? You said you might like to come visit sometime. I gave you the number once."

"Oh yeah. Horsies. I still got the number."

I sheepishly shrugged off my error with the visitors ("Oh, there it is! Heh.") and again, they didn't seem to mind at all. We finally made our way back and my co-worker was very sweet about it and said "Oh, yeah, I thought you knew this gate was over here."

While the visitors were taking photos, co-worker and I hung back and she mentioned her people still hadn't arrived. And then (nicely, but kinda surprised) "Haven't you been out here before?"

"Once. But I made it all the way down there and climbed the fence."

"Ohhhhh."

Might as well have stamped FUCKING MORON on my forehead.

THIS is why I weaseled out of doing stallion shows and farm tours from the beginning. We were supposed to take turns, but I was such a clueless newbie to the horse industry that it quickly became clear I wouldn't be doing the farm any favors with my flustered "Um, you know, I'm not sure about that" responses.

I'm certain she must've wondered -- and still does -- why I was hired; even though my admin skills are first rate, my horse knowledge was amateurishly goofy, at best. To my credit, I HAVE learned a lot, and they were able to "mold" me to their way of doing things. But once I get pushed out of my area of comfort, the results aren't pretty.

Part of the problem is that while I'm cross-trained on certain aspects of her job, it's not my main focus. I can pull up pedigrees, book mares, figure out how to fill out a contract on the fly, but if I'm asked for percentage of win stats on a stallion, or their fertility rate, or their body type/conformation, or god forbid, best pedigree crosses, I only have vague knowledge. So all those questions go to her or the farm manager. My co-worker is up on all this shit everyday, because that's HER job.

I try to keep track of the stallion's racing progeny (any big winners over the weekend? etc), how the stallion's "books" are coming along (how many contracts we have out, quality of mares that are being submitted), how they're ranking alongside their counterparts in the industry...but only on a general level.

SINCE I'm TOO BUSY logging how many gallons of diesel fuel we used last month. And ordering copier toner. And making sure we have enough Sharpie pens and batteries. And crackers. And cola. But not too much! Not to mention hours upon hours of entering daily treatments on every horse in every barn on the farm EVERYDAY (this horse had a poultice on their left hock, and this horse was given 60cc of RBO and Neobac in their left eye x2!)

Now, if you asked my co-worker to enter in just one daily treatment for any horse on any given day, she would be clueless. ("What? How do I do that?")

Meanwhile, I'm entering this stuff so fast the system can't keep up with me.

She avoids the horse care management program the way I avoid tours and stallions shows.

We both have our strong points, and our weak ones.

So, you know, we're even. Although her database of knowledge and experience is far superior to mine.

(But she best consider herself lucky I'm not ambitious).

I'm too busy giggling about Cute Overload and wondering how I missed the whole Doogie Howser being gay bombshell (am I the only one who didn't know?) in my free moments to improve my horse industry knowledge.

Especially since it won't get me a raise.

Few related things:

1) I have a new Latin American (?) neighbor. He's hot and can't speak English for shit, but he tries really hard. Doe dweet! He has a Boxer dog that took to Buddy like a key to a brand new paint job. I asked what his dog's name was.

"Uh...Yoh. Dreen."

"Dreen?"

"Nooo, no. Yohdreen!"

"Huh?"

After some explanation about "Rock-ee" (what?) "You. Know? Rockee. Bal-BO-A" (punched his fist in the air) I finally discovered his dog's name was:

"Yo Adrienne."

2) Buddy and Yo Adrienne (goddamn, that's goofy to say) like each other.

3) Did I forget to mention that Yo Adrienne is male? Fine set of sniffable balls, per Buddy's intense inspection.

4) I heart my gay dog.

5) You know, I wish more people would come out of the closet.

6) Like my ex-boyfriend.

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