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2006-11-30 - 11:30 p.m.

What's Grosser Than Gross?

Typical evening between walks with two bored dogs:

While SweetPea rips apart the empty Green Giant broccoli and cheese box, Buddy gets busy snooping about and diving under the coffee table with his naughty finds (6:45 pm: plastic pack of dental floss; 7:15 pm: fresh pack of cigs from mommy's purse).

Other items Buddy has absconded with in the past (to varying degrees of success):

1) Blistex
2) Easter chickie doll
3) Paid (and unpaid) bills
4) Hair brush
5) Cheese grater
6) Dish scrubber
7) Antibiotic cream
8) Steak knives
9) Three dollars
10) Discarded feminine items

*Ahem*

The other day, I was pushing the sofa cushions together and found a chewed up tampon applicator behind one of the pillows.

How lovely.

And extremely creepy.

Thank god I rarely have people over.

"Would you like another Schlitz with that panty liner?"

COME OVER FOR DINNER SOMETIME, FOLKS.

I DARE YOU.

Anyhoosens, my Thanksgiving sucked. How was yours?

I ate a leftover sandwich from the day before. Flopped around in bed for many hours. Then did a bunch of cleaning out of sheer boredom/pain from the bedsores.

But the biggest sucky element was that the farm manager decided to make us come in the office on Friday. Second year in a row they've tossed that paid holiday out the window.

Did I forget to mention that we didn't find out whether or not the office would be open on Friday...until 4:40 pm on Wednesday? Of course, my boss wouldn't be coming in, neither would his accounting assistant ("she's taking a vacation day." Riiiiight.)

Long story, but bottom line, I was PISSED. And spent a considerable bit of my Thanksgiving fuming.

I was hoping we'd have a shorter day on Friday, considering we shouldn't have been there in the FIRST PLACE, but farm manager's idea of letting us go early was telling us at 3 pm we could head out...

At 4 pm.

Thanks asswad!

Anyhoo, I was depressed all weekend, and got hit with a huge, tedious-as-fuck project on Monday morning. I knew part of what was coming down the pipeline, but turns out there was a whole bunch of other shit farm manager wanted me to do as well.

I sat down in the conference room, and he stood next to me going through page after page of tasks. My eyes began to glaze over in disbelief. I was thisclose to saying "You know what? No. I'm not doing this. I quit."

But instead I held my anger in check, nodded my head, scooped up all the paperwork and trudged back to my desk.

I finally finished everything yesterday afternoon (and managed to get all my regular tasks done in between).

*WHEW*

Time to surf the 'net!

I jumped online, hit my usual faves, and on the local news site, noticed that a big cold front was coming in on Friday. Rain, snow, high winds, 30 degree temp drop throughout the day.

You know what...? That would be a perfect day to sleep in.

An idea was born. I had one personal day left, which I was thinking of using around Christmas. But between their screwy last minute office schedules and co-workers taking vacations, I wouldn't even know which day to ask off for, and there was a big chance it would get rejected (after a "let me get back to you on that" from boss) because it wasn't convenient for them for whatever fucking reason.

So to hell with it. I'll take it this Friday!

But first, I had to get approval.

Farm manager had no problem with it. When my boss came in later, I asked him, and in his typical yutzy fashion, he said he might have something he needs my help with, but he wasn't sure, so he'd let me know, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't be a problem.

Surprisingly, a few minutes (!!) later he popped by and said "I thought I might need some help getting those boxes in storage shredded, but I can't do it on Friday, so it's fine. Roll on!" (That's his big phrase: "Roll on!" Doesn't that make you want to hit him as much as I want to?)

I was relieved and happy, but pissed at the same time. He almost rejected my personal day request, because he had boxes in storage he needed shredded?

WTF?

First off: Are those the same boxes that I inventoried for you TWO YEARS AGO, that you figured you'd have thrown in a pit and burned on the back of the farm in order to save money?

Second: Yeah, that was a stupid idea, fucker.

Third: If all of a sudden, out of the goddamn blue, you come up with some bullshit "thing" you need my help with, make it something WORTHWHILE with a fucking side of actual URGENCY.

He's only given me little stupid tasks for the last month or so, but when I want to take a well-deserved personal day (I didn't even take both of them last year!), he dredges up some shit from a basquillion eons ago.

A task which would require the following:

1) Calling the number for our document shredding company

2) Telling them when to come and shred documents

Then again, this is the man who gives me bad batteries and instructs me to toss them out.

Otherwise, I might bring them home ("what do I DO with these?") and Buddy would eat them, and sniff your crotch while you're sitting at my coffee table gnawing on a nuked corn dog.

*BAM*

Like I said people, COME OVER FOR DINNER.

I DARE YOU.

P.S. I have good mustard.