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2006-12-18 - 7:56 p.m.

Let's Get the Show on the Road

Guess what? In two weeks, I'll be offically "between careers."

Yes, I DID IT! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

In Kentucky speak:

Hello, babies. Momma done quits her job, so I'm gonna have to sell y'all for medical 'spariments.

Now, the plan was for me to spend the weekend giving a great deal of thought to how I would word my letter of resignation and what I would say to bossman once the letter was handed over.

Instead, I slept all day Saturday and most of Sunday. I got up a couple times to walk the dogs and eat, and I DID watch some TV, but mainly, I was buried under the covers having tons of bizarre and oddly, erotic, dreams. I think it was all the stress working itself out of my system. I lost track of how many famous guys I had sex with, but it was very very nice.

On Sunday morning I "got up" early (in that I woke up, grabbed a tablet and pen, and sat up in bed) and began scribbling down the amount of money I'd need from my IRA to carry me through 2-3 months. Once I hit the utilities section (water, phone...and that other thing...um...electricity!), I got bored and started writing down key phrases to say to boss (something about moving on down the road, and using more of my skill sets). Eh, blah. Whatever.

Then I scribbled a three sentence resignation letter.

*YAWN*

I'll work on this later. What's on TV?

Part of me was a bit concerned I was blowing off all my preparation, but a bigger part was telling me that no matter how prepared I was, it wouldn't make a difference. In fact, it would be counterproductive and work against me.

As the evening grew later, the more the butterflies kicked in. I should get up and do something. No, don't.

I tried to sleep, but would drift off only to wake up again. And then, as I flopped around trying to get my pillow just so, I opened my eyes and realized my fear had turned to excitement. I wasn't dreading this at all. I was looking forward to it! Not to say I wasn't still scared, but it was a GOOD SCARED. I'd been waiting for this moment for so long, and it was here!

Slow and fast had come together to create the perfect opportunity to leave, and it was the first time I'd been ready to quit with a positive frame of mind. I finally fell back to sleep with a smile on my face, and my toes lightly curled.

(Great dream about being with Bruce Willis in a heated pool, fully enclosed by a low hanging tarp, complete with a sprinkler system on the outside that produced simulated rain storms. Oh, and there was a bed off in the corner, for when we wanted to dry off only to get wet again. AHEM. I have such a big crush on Bruce now. Call me!)

Anyhoo, where was I?

RIGHT. Quitting. The feeling of waking up and not being "properly prepared," but as prepared as I was ever going to be, reminded me of college test days.

I hit the snooze a couple times, then dashed in the shower. I'd meant to wake up a bit earlier. Oh well. I'd also meant to wash my favorite shirt over the weekend, but something about it not being freshly washed fit the whole devil-may-care/I was busy NAPPING scenario.

A few times thoughts hit me, such as:

I can't believe I don't have my resignation letter ready! I don't know what I'm going to say! OH MY GOD!

Then, a calmness came over me. Remember, it's best not to have a "speech" prepared, for that will get fucked up in the reciting. Best not to run through every scenario of bossman's reaction, because there's no way to know and you're gonna have to play it by ear anyway. You're quitting a job, not bombing a country. Chill, chick.

As I drove to work, I couldn't help but smile.

TODAY'S THE DAY. FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE. WELL, AS FAR AS THIS SHIT GOES.

When I got to work, there was a gal from one of the barns working on our big mailing, across from my desk, and she was chatting non-stop with my fave co-worker.

Did not expect this. But it's cool. She's facing the other direction. I booted up my PC, and began drafting my resignation letter (I KNOW!) Then I jumped to a employment website for some additional (better) verbiage from a resignation template. Talk about last minute. BUT I WAS IN THE ZONE. And bossman wouldn't arrive till around 9. I played around with a few edits, kept it short and sweet, printed it out, and shoved it under my to do list for the day.

Lumbergh arrived a little before 9 and gave me the mail to sort. *ALL IS CALM, ALL IS BRIGHT*

I distributed everyone's mail, then got his stack ready, per usual. I set the letter on top of it. Took a swig of water and a deep breath and walked into his office.

I placed the mail in his tray, stood next to his desk, handed him my letter and said "And...there's this."

He read it and replied in a whiny/sad voice "Awwwwwwww, Halo, well this isn't good!"

"Well, yeah, I know...but it's time for me to head down the road."

"Gosh, I wish you the best though. So do you have plans?"

"I'm going to take some time off. Go back and visit my mom in Texas, maybe go to North Carolina and travel overseas... "

"Well, yep...that sounds good. But we're sure gonna miss you. Hate to see you go."

"I hate to leave, but I wanna try some new things, ya know?"

"Sure, sure. Of course. We wish you the best, and thanks for the notice. But gosh, wow, we're really gonna miss you."

"Oh, same here. But I'll come back and visit..."

"Of course...yes, you should. Good! Well, again, I wish you the best..."

"You too. Alright, well..." (I turned to leave)

"Yep, ok...bye bye."

The whole conversation lasted maybe two minutes. Completely surreal.

That was IT? *frown* That was IT? *smile*

I'm so happy I didn't spend any more time preparing for it. I said required bullshit and he said the same bullshit back. Yes, I do believe I caught him off-guard, and that he will miss my, how you say? "mad skillz," but I also knew in that moment that he couldn't believe I waited so long to quit.

Throughout the course of the day I informed everyone else in the office about my leaving, with varying degrees of responses: "Oh! Well, wow. Good luck!" to "WHAT? Nooooo! You can't leave! Are you serious?" {{big hug}} to one guy who thought I was joking until 3 hours later. ("You're really leaving? I thought you were totally kidding, that's why I acted the way I did!")

That made me feel better, because he'd given me a complete deadpan response.

But I still hadn't talked to farm manager face-to-face, even though I knew he must've heard the news from boss (closed door session in the am). He passed by me several times in the hallway and wouldn't acknowledge me. But all morning he'd been on the phone, or talking to someone, or away from his desk (there was never a good moment), so finally I made my way into his office after lunch when he wasn't busy, and said "So, did boss give you the news?"

"Yeah, we're sorry to see you go. We really appreciate all you've done for us."

"Same here. It's been great and you've given me so many wonderful opportunities, and I've learned so much."

"So...what are your plans?"

"Taking time off. Traveling back home, maybe overseas..."

"Oh, well, that's good. Do it when you can, absolutely."

"Ok, so let me know what you need and I'll come back to visit sometime..."

"Yes, of course, do that. And we wish you the best of luck."

"Same here. And...if I could get a letter of recommendation...."

"Sure, absolutely!"

HEH. I still need to hit my boss up for one as well, in between doing happy jigs.

Oh, wait, get this: I knew Lumbergh was gonna get on my ass about this and that and lists and training and whatnot before I left. So color me surprised when the WHOLE DAY WENT BY AND HE SAID NOTHING.

I started lugging the rest of the mailers out (bossman had taken the first batch to the post office earlier in the day). I was holding the mail carton with my arms around it, about to walk out the door.

As I said my evening good-byes, bossman stopped me and said "Halo! Before you go...."

I lugged the carton in his office and rested it on one of his chairs.

"Yes?"

"You know, we're going have to sit down and talk in detail about your schedule for the next two weeks and things that need to be transitioned."

(OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS, YOU ASSWIPE, IS ONE OF THE REASONS I'M QUITTING).

"Right...yes, I know."

"Sooooo, what day is good for you? What are you doing tomorrow morning?"

"Well, I have the Pick 10 contest stuff to work on...and as I emailed you about earlier, I have a doctor's appointment in the morning, and I have some other projects to work on, and then we have our farm luncheon..."

"Yes, well I have another meeting to go to after that so I won't be back till at least 4."

"So, how 'bout Wednesday?"

"Yes...Wednesday. Let's try for that."

"Well, you know, I planned to start making up lists in the meantime anyway..."

"Good, yes. Do what you can, then we'll sit down and talk."

"Ohhhkay. Yes. Sure."

Christ!

The guy cannot go ONE DAY without being a dickhead. I was floored he went (ALMOST) the entire day without mentioning lists and things to do. I knew it was coming, but I figured by 4:45 pm on Monday, he'd tucked his panic under his tiny balls, and would hit me up with a list of shit first thing Tuesday morning.

Apparently not. Tiny balls wanna play. BRING IT.

And furthermore, since this is my diary and all and I want to remember this:

1) I ask my co-workers 2 to 3 times before I place an office supply order "You need anything? Are you sure?" Then I give it a day, because they always need something, but they come back with "No, I can't think of anything." Which is the kiss of death. It's usually the day AFTER I placed the order that they need something. So, I stock up on this and that. Mailing seals, photo paper, labels, whatever.

The other day, farm owner's assistant handed me an empty pack of full page white labels and said she couldn't finish her project until I ordered some more.

"Even though I asked you if you needed something three times?"

"I knooooowwww. But I didn't know I was this low."

"Uh huh."

"Well, I was busy and I didn't know I needed them. So whenever you can place an order..."

"How 'bout this? I ordered an extra box last month. Here you go."

"Ohhhh!"

"I'm good, aren't I?"

"YES!"

2) When farm manager asked me today if I had *by any chance* ordered any new 2007 desk calendars. But with that tone in his voice that it was too good to be true.

"Yep. They're on the top of that cabinet."

"Ohhh..really? Great!"

3) Before everyone had finished the barbebque sandwich lunch sent by bossman's client today, I already knew to write up a thank you note, and told him so ("excellent!") But the kicker was when farm owner's assistant showed up with the note that came with the meal and said "Here's another thank you you need to write."

"It's done and in the mail."

"Oh, well. Good. Never mind then!"

Exact-a-lactlay-ly. When Halo's on the case, there is no question of if/when it got done.

It's taken care of. Have no fear.

I'm not saying I rock UNIVERSALLY, but in my sphere of influence, I hit that bastard hard.

Especially tiny balls.