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2008-03-11 - 7:39 a.m.

Dark Forces

So, the GIANT SNOWSTORM OF THE LAST DECADE gave us hours of what sounded like Rice Crispies banging against the windows...and about 6 inches of snow.

Big fucking whoop.

I was hoping it'd be like Stephen King's movie "Storm of the Century," without the whole Satan showing up thing.

Although, he would make for an interesting dinner guest.

"Care for some Funyuns, dark lord?"

"Um....do you have any Pringles?"

"What do you think this is, the goddamn mini-mart? Jeeeeesus."

"I do so love it when you take HIS name in vain. Do it again!"

"Oh, fuck off, you evil wanker."

Clearly, I need to get out of the house more.

And you know, I'm looking forward to working with an ENTIRE OFFICE of evil wankers. They're out there. Somewhere. Waiting for me. Already stacking up piles of papers for "the new girl" to file. Conspiring to leave tedious tasks undone because they "don't have time" since Shelly was shit canned.

As you can tell, my positive attitude is shining through once again. Had I not loathed my last job so much, perhaps I would feel sunnier about new opportunities. Plus, ya know, I wouldn't have quit in the first place.

And oh! I've been meaning to write about this FOREVER (my last attempt, months ago, got borked and I lost it all), but there were some further developments regarding my previous job. SIX MONTHS after I left. I get so angry when I think about it, it's hard to discuss. And it brings up EVERY-FUCKING-THING I hated about that place.

At any rate, I will have to sit down and get it all out soon. Once and for all. You'll be happy you bought that box o' wine, shoved somewhere in the back on your pantry. Get that thing in the fridge. That's all I'm saying. As for me, I'll be drinking straight from the spout. Like a kid guzzling Gatorade from the team Igloo because Joey's mom forgot to bring enough Solo cups.

Personally, I think Joey's mom was Satan. Joey's sister is probably Shelly. You do the math. Either way, not looking good for me. Because, as you have learned, it's ALL ABOUT ME.

But seriously, how are YOU? Have I told you lately that I like your shirt? Cuz I do. Must be a wonderful feeling keeping JC Penney in business.

*smirk*

Yep, feel free to smack me. I'm going to hell. Care for a piggyback ride?