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2009-02-10 - 10:26 p.m.

Trouble

I lost my job last week.

I'm thinking of putting up signs on telephone poles around town that say LOST: JOB!!! in big black permanent marker with a fuzzy photo underneath of me looking really confused.

Remember how I was ready for this about 4 or 5 months ago? And nothing happened, besides me getting made permanent? I suppose all that running around trying to find another gig (with no success) made me complacent. The thought of losing my job has cropped up from time to time since (especially with the ever-worsening economy and the fact that we've had no new clients), but I figured there was no reason to work myself up into frenzy worrying about it like I did last time.

Basically, I suck at timing.

Overall, I'm doing ok with the news, but there are a few things that completely blow about this:

1) My boss told me on Friday at 4:30 pm. He sucks at timing too.

2) I received no severance pay, no gradual reduction of hours (like I originally figured might happen), no forewarning, no hint, no NOTHING.

3) Additionally, I was slated for a week of paid vacation this year. It didn't even occur to me to ask him about it until after I got home. With his current financial situation, it probably wouldn't have made a difference, but yes, I still need to inquire if he might be able to do something for me. At the very least, he could consider THAT my severance pay. If that idea doesn't fly with him, I'm thinking of trying to work a deal for him to give me the (relatively new) desktop PC I used, if he winds up liquidating everything, as some sort of compensation. I have a feeling this idea will wind up face down in the mud.

4) The paycheck I received on Friday was greatly reduced because I missed 3 days due to the ice storm the other week. HAD I KNOWN I was about to get downsized, I would've gotten him to consider those vacation days. I think he purposely waited to tell me the news till after I'd submitted my hours to his accountant to avoid that little scenario.

On the upside (whee!), he still would like me to come in and clean the office every 2 weeks for the near future (yes, he asked if I was still interested beforehand), so that's some money that will be coming in...and he said he may need me to do a few things here and there (if I'm available) until he figures out what he's going to do with his business. As a matter of fact, I worked 3 hours this afternoon for him, so at least I have a wee bit of money to look forward to. He'll probably need me a few more hours this week, so we're just keeping in touch every few days and playing it by ear.

In the meantime, he's working on a (possible) deal to join forces with another law firm, and he said wherever he lands he will try to get me onboard (at least shop my resume around) if I'm available and interested. Things also might start looking up for his sole practice again -- especially if one consulting deal in particular ever comes to fruition -- so there's always a chance he might be able to pull me back into the fray.

As for me, I'm now reactivated with my former temp agency, and tested/filled out paperwork/interviewed with a new agency today. The job they called me about yesterday appears to be one step away from being filled, but the recruiting manager was quite positive about my skill set and her attitude gave me a lot of confidence in what they might be able to find for me.

What I found rather funny is that while it was a rather nice office (branch of an international company founded by a man about 50 years ago), it was very business generic and impersonal. Side tables with business cards and brochures next to a row of squished together "waiting room" chairs. Standard dark blue and gray carpeting. A few awards on the walls, but nothing with any character.

My other temp agency (founded by a local woman about 40 years ago) is decorated in tones of mauve and blue, with flowers and vases on every table, elegant floral and "feminine" pictures on the walls, and a bulletin board in a side room with cards and letters from gushing, grateful employees and happy, satisfied clients.

But back to the office I was at today:

Nicely furnished, efficient and sparsely decorated, seemingly up-to- date (with that weird "modern" look that could just as easily be the 1980s, or 1996, or 2009). Considering this was the type of agency that specializes only in white collar, higher-end administrative/legal/accounting type jobs, I figured that the testing computers would definitely be newish, sleek laptops, and up to snuff with software.

WRONG!

First tip off, the (desktop!) computer I worked on had a Compaq logo on the front. Uh oh.

Second, the mouse was almost as slow as the computer. While I was attempting to move it around on the old, ratty mousepad, I actually had to stop and stare at it for a few seconds. COME ON OLD MAN. MOVE! These days, using a mouse should be fluid with no thought required. When you are continually reminded that there is something under your hand and it's NOT moving WHERE YOU WANT IT TO GO, WHEN YOU WANT IT TO, something is wrong.

And the testing software was a joke. It was the crude type of software I'd tested on in the early 90's, with inane questions that would only stump retarded people, feral children, or most every man I've met at a bar...OR dicky tricky little questions that trip up advanced users because, heaven forbid, they don't know some bullshit backward method to copy and paste a formula in Excel WITHOUT using the menu, the CTRL keys, cotton balls and tape, Tom Cruise, aliens, or a kitchen whisk.

And why developers in the 90's thought that including shitty graphics of a person sitting at a desk added some value to the question "When someone calls while you're on another line with a customer, what should you say to the customer?" I will never understand.

My answer to that question would be: HOLY SHIT, WE HAVE CALL WAITING?

or FUCK OFF, SOMEONE ELSE IS CALLING IN. SEE YA, LOSER!

But actually, while I was going through question after question like that (and stumpers such as "If a customer is complaining on the phone, what should you do?" with answers like "Tell them to calm down", "Cut them off," "Put them on hold," "Argue with them," or "Listen to them patiently," I so wished there was a choice for "KILL THEM. KILL THEM ALL DEAD.")

Customers. Cripes! What a bunch of whiny ass bastards.

If I get sent up for a call center job with Verizon...you folks are in TROUBLE.