Dazzle Me



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2011-04-09 - 1:57 a.m.

Time Warp

Fuck. It's been awhile, eh?

I just got out of the pen. The slammer. The hole.

Let's run down the litany of charges, shall we? Prostitution, possession with intent to sell, evading arrest, 3rd degree assault, being a liberal in Kentucky, jaywalking, and using a crayon in a pencil sharpener.


Yeah, ok. You got me. I don't use crayons. I use markers. Sharpies, to be exact. I love using Sharpies on Post-It notes. Big black capital letters. I write notes such as "WHAT IS THIS?" and throw it back in my inbox for future study.

Oh...that's right. I done forgot to tell you guys. I found a new job last year. Yes, I realize there are some blanks to fill in.

Let's see...2009 pretty much SUCKED. Almost wound up living in my car (no joke).

In 2010 things were looking up. Found a job at Legal Aid. Not the criminal "court appointed" or public defender type, which most people conjure up when they hear the phrase. This is the helping poor folks with domestic abuse, evictions, foreclosures, denied public benefits type of Legal Aid.

In other words, good legal aid. Not naughty legal aid.

2011 is not going so hot. Overloaded at work, but now my job is being cut in half for funding reasons. In the mornings I'll sit at the front desk, but still have the same amount of work on my plate. In the afternoons I'll be upstairs talking to old coots on the phone about Medicare benefits enrollment. Between these calls I'm supposed to "squeeze in" the rest of my job duties.

I really have no patience with people on the phone. Old people in particular or, you know, in general. There's a huge back story to this which I will try to explain at some point. But the bottom line is that I have been busting my ASS, taking on more and more responsibility...and now this big job change. Two co-workers (at least) are not pulling their weight, yet it's MY job on the line.

I have such juicy stories to tell you! And I'll probably be living in my car soon, so if I can afford the gas, I might tell you in person. Please have stale crackers and warm tap water handy. I'll be needing it. And a mechanic named Jim. I hope he uses the phrase "in a jiffy" a lot.

Dammit. Now I want cornbread.

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